


(in need of) Happiness

by NaturallyCuriousAddict



Series: Happiness [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst, F/M, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28312377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaturallyCuriousAddict/pseuds/NaturallyCuriousAddict
Summary: For months Lily had been feeling stuck in her routine, even in her life. Scared that their daughter is going down a path with no return, Mr and Mrs Evans presents Lily with an opportunity she never even dreamed of (but had always wanted)."For once in your life be selfish and go take care of yourself. Go do something you have always wanted to do. Live a bit of a life you always imagined and find out if it’s what you dreamed it would be. Go experiment."Now all that Lily has to do is pick a place.
Series: Happiness [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2073801
Kudos: 1





	(in need of) Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas to whoever is reading this! 
> 
> I know this year has been absolute shit with lockdown and all the restrictions in place but at least we can still find some semblance of normality with a beautiful holiday such as Christmas. 
> 
> This year has had lots of ups and downs (unfortunately more downs than ups for me) but I found some much needed escape in reading some seriously good stories. Both the printed and fanfic type ;) They all helped me through a light bout of depression (like I'm sure most of us experienced this year) and ultimately sparked the idea for this story. 
> 
> Ever since I read my first Jily story when I was twelve, I was hooked. they became my safe place and I always took comfort in their unique love and relationship. So when the idea for this story popped into my mind, I couldn't imagine it for any other pairing (and be assured, there are a ton of them). As this is my first Jily fanfic ever, I do hope I do them justice.
> 
> Enjoy!

Lily was tired. Not tired in the sense of ‘I want to go to sleep’, but rather in the ‘I’m tired of getting up every morning, going to the same dead-end job, getting endless cups of coffees only to return to my childhood home and deal with the same drama there, just to repeat the same excruciating process the next day’ type of tired. This is the thought that flicked through her head as she twisted the key, opening the front door of her childhood home. She felt the strap of her bag slip off her shoulder, not even caring about where it landed as she kicked the door shut behind her. 

“Would you pick that up?” a voice screeched from the top of the stairs. 

Lily didn’t even spare Petunia a glance as she continued towards the kitchen, purposefully leaving her bag laying on the floor. She turned the kettle on, desperately wanting the boiling water to drown out her sister’s shrill voice. Lily could vaguely hear Petunia tell their mother that ‘Lily is twenty-two which is plenty old enough to know by now to pick up her bag and not let it lie around!’. 

Lily rolled her eyes as she picked up her cup and grabbed her laptop from where it was charging on the kitchen counter and made her way into the living room. 

She took a seat on the couch, tucking her feet under her. Next to Lily, her father was immersed in the latest novel of his choice. This week’s pick seemed to be one of Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Sci-Fi’s. Knowing not to disturb her father while he was reading (because she was exactly the same when she was reading), Lily opened her laptop. 

“Have you picked up your bag yet?” 

Standing before Lily was Petunia, both hands on her waist, hip cocked, foot tapping, and eyebrow raised. Lily resisted the urge to roll her eyes, if only because she could see her mothing looking at her over Petunia’s shoulder, who sported her own exasperated look. If it was directed towards Petunia or Lily herself, she didn’t know. 

“You know Lily, I just don’t understand,” Petunia said, “you are a twenty-two-year-old woman with a wonderful secretarial job. Why are you still living with mummy and daddy and throwing your things on the floor like when you were eight years old?” 

This got their father’s attention. He turned his head away from the telly to watch his youngest daughter’s reaction. He knew how easily her temper could flare, especially when it came to her sister. 

“Now sweetheart,” her mother started saying but Lily interrupted her. 

“Because my ‘wonderful secretarial job’, as you so eloquently put it, does not pay enough for me to live on my own. And you’re one to speak! You’re engaged and you’re still living here!” Lily could feel the flush creeping up her neck but willed herself to stay seated on the couch. 

Petunia pressed her lips together so tightly; Lily could only see a thin white line. With a lifted chin she said, “It does not behoove a young lady to live with a man before mariage.” 

“Yeah, if you could call that walrus a man.” 

“He is not a …” 

“Petunia, this is the 21st century. If you want to move in with a man, move in with him, even if it is _Vernon Dursley_! Hell P, if you want to sleep with the man, bloody well sleep with him. Nobody is going to shun or stone you.” 

“That is not what society …” 

“Society has changed from your 1960’s point of view, Petunia! Today, couples move in with each other after only a couple of months of dating. Women have higher hopes in life than just becoming a housewife or a secretary and people sleep with each other after knowing each other for only two hours! It’s called a one-night stand!” 

Lily is aware that her voice rose, as well as the fact that she just lifted her opinion about sex in front of her parents. She felt slightly guilty for the housewife dig, because she knew that that was her mother’s choice for her own life but that is understandable. That was the era their mother grew up in, but not the one Petunia grew up in. Women today should strive to be more than just someone who’s waiting for their husband to get home with dinner waiting on the table, dammit! 

“You know what,” Lily said as she got up and made her way toward the stairs, “before I say something I’ll regret, I’m going up to my room. Call me if you need help with dinner, Mum.” 

It was only after she fell face first onto her bed that she realised she had left her laptop, earphones and her cup of tea downstairs. Lily groaned, there was no way in hell she was going down there now. 

* * *

Taking a seat at the dinner table after a fight with Petunia wasn’t really a new occurrence. It was almost a weekly thing nowadays. But luckily for the family, Petunia had the wonderful ability to talk over an awkward situation, never leaving a silent moment to reflect on what was said and instead just bulldozing forward. If their fights even affected Petunia, Lily had no idea. It did affect Lily though. She hated fighting with her sister but Petunia constantly found new ways to irk her that ultimately just resulted in a fight.

And if the dinner conversation continued the way in which it was going, Lily saw a second fight in the very nearby future.

“He was covered! His arms AND the one side of his neck. At least that was the only ones I saw. Who know how many more tattoos hides behind his clothes?” Petunia gave an overexaggerated shudder as she took a bite out of her roasted potato.

Lily saw her mother shake her head, “Petunia, darling, you can hardly judge the man for having tattoos.”

 _Or condemn him_ , Lily thought, thinking it wise not to instigate a fight in the middle of dinner. Instead she took another bite of the incredibly tender pork chop her mother had prepared as Petunia rattled on.

“But mum, you don’t know what he is caught up in. He could be in a gang, or in charge a gang! Or even worse, he could be chased by a gang! And what if they mistake me, standing innocently behind him in the que as an accomplice! What if they kidnap _me_ because they think I am important to him!”

“Don’t worry Tuney. They’d bring you right back.”

Petunia glared at Lily but said nothing else. She only smiled sweetly back at her sister. Lily honestly believed that no kidnapper would ever be able to hold out with Petunia’s never-ending yapping. They’d either bring her right back or shoot her on the spot. Lily had thought it wise not to include the latter part of her though in her comment.

“Lily!” Her mother admonished her but she could not hide the amused look in her eyes.

“You can’t judge someone on the fact that they choose to tattoo their body. It’s how they want to express themselves.” Lily said instead. “Almost how you choose to express yourself with your dresses, curled hair and single piercing in each ear.”

“That is not the same!” Petunia started but Lily interrupted her.

“It’s exactly the same. You choose to express yourself and your character through how you dress, what you wear and what you do to your body. Or not do to your body. What do you think dad? Tattoos, yay or nay?”

“Could you not talk like a heathen?” Petunia snipped at Lily. Lily stuck her tongue out at Petunia.

Their dad heaved a sigh. “You two know my opinion on tattoos. It’s everybody’s own choice whether or not they want to permanently ink their bodies. I am completely for it, if you do it for yourself. Not for anybody else.”

“Exactly sweetheart,” Mrs Evans enthusiastically. “I think it shows a lot of a person’s character. Tattoos usually shows what those people think, or how they think, what they value and what’s important to them.”

“Still,” Petunia said, back rod straight as she neatly placed her knife and fork on her empty plate, “I think it is unnecessary and ugly, and the people who do it only want more attention. God made our bodies how he wanted them. If He wanted us to be covered in black ink and ears full of holes, He would have made us that way.”

As Lily places her own knife and fork down on her empty plate, she decided to keep quiet about her own further view on tattoos. And the fact that she desperately wanted one. 

* * *

Shortly after dinner, Petunia excused herself for her nightly routine. Lily knew that meant that she wouldn't see Petunia until the next morning because heaven forbid her own family sees her with curlers in her hair kept together with a neatly tied scarf and face cream plastered on her face. What is Petunia going to do when she and the walrus live together? Lie awake until he falls asleep and wake up extra early to remove any evidence of non-perfection?

Settling in at the kitchen table, with a freshly made cup of tea, Lily opens her laptop. Taking a sip of her tea, Lily leaned back in her chair staring at her desktop photo. It was a bright, detailed photo of a sandy white beach with people scattered across it and a couple of surfers in the water. From the angle it was obvious that the photo was taken from a pier. And if she concentrated hard enough, she could almost imagine the waves moving. Lily was transfixed as she stared at the screen.

“Where was that taken?”

Lily jerked at the unexpected sound of her mother’s voice. She had thought her parents had already retired to their room. She glanced at the clock that hung above the doorway. Barely after nine. _Bloody hell Lily_ , she thought, _they’re in their fifties, not their eighties_. Lily returned her focus back to her mother, who had taken a seat at the table.

“Uh, it’s a beach in South Africa. In Port Elizabeth.”

“It’s beautiful.” Her mother said.

Lily hummed in agreement as her eyes returned to the photo. She could not stop thinking about how it would feel to just escape for a bit. To get away from a job she hated, to get away from the feeling of suffocation that greeted every morning when she woke up, but most of all to get away from her preaching sister. It was as if Petunia was finding something wrong with Lily every day, and when she wasn’t finding something wrong, she was driving Lily crazy with her wedding plans, trying extra hard to rub it in Lily’s face that she was in a relationship while Lily was walking through life solo.

Lily had no problem being single. She just wished she could be single on a beach, taking a sunset walk with only herself and the sand between her toes and water lapping at her feet. Not stuck in her childhood home living a monotonous life at twenty-two. The last time Lily remembered feeling completely free was on their last family vacation. It was the second time in Lily’s life that she had ever been to the beach and probably the last time she and Petunia had gotten along.

“Mum,” Lily said as she looked at her mother, “do you remember our last family vacation?”

Lily saw a soft smile spread across her mother’s face. That was a very special summer for their family. It was her parents’ 20th anniversary and they had surprised their daughters with a vacation at a beachside resort where they renewed their vows. Lily was thirteen at the time and she thought it was the most beautiful and special event she had ever been part of.

“How could I not?” her mother asked. “It was one of the most special moments of my life. Having both my children there while I renew my vows to my soulmate.” Mrs Evans had a soft smile on her face, thinking back to that special day.

“It was beautiful mum.”

“I also remember how happy you were that summer. When you weren’t playing in the waves, you were curled up on that balcony with a book,” her mother said with a grin. “How many did you read during those two weeks?”

Lily laughed.

“Five, wasn’t it?” her mother prompted with a smile.

“Close,” Lily nodded, “I finished the fifth one here at home. But I started it there.”

The duo shared a laugh, as the memories came flooding back. As unexpectedly as her mother appeared, she asked, “Why don’t you seem happy anymore, Lily?”

Lily’s smile immediately vanished. She didn’t know how to answer that question. She didn’t even realise that her mother had noticed how unhappy she had become. It wasn’t like Lily was sulking around the house, wearing black and being moody. She and Petunia fought more often, but it wasn’t like Lily instigated fights. Well, most of them. Unable to articulate an answer, Lily just shrugged.

“Sweetheart, I don’t want to pry too much, but you know I am always here to listen if something is bothering you?” Lily felt her mum’s hand covering her own on top of the table.

“I just want to get away!” It was out before Lily could help it. Then, it was as if a dam broke and everything came pouring out. 

“I feel stuck. And cooped up. And like I’m not going anywhere. The last time I felt completely free was on that vacation and the only other time I find some semblance of that feeling is when I’m looking at this picture,” Lily points to her laptop, before continuing, “I got a degree in literature, mum. Literature! And I’m working as a secretary! How that happened, I don’t even know. All I know it that it is slowly killing my soul going to that office every day. I absolutely hate it. But I can’t sit at home all day, doing nothing so I do that. But it doesn’t make me happy. And when I am at home, Petunia is always on my back about one thing or another. Yes, sometimes I do certain things just to piss her off, but fucking hell, can’t she just back off for one day!”

Lily stopped to catch her breath, and only then did she realized she just talked to her mother like she talked to her friends. She tried to go over how many times she cussed in her little vent session but everything was a slight blur. She only knew that she felt a bit better, having that off her chest and out in the open. Lily looked at her mum and saw her lips twitch.

Is she laughing at me?

“Mum, this isn’t funny!” Even though Lily sounded outraged, her mother knew her well enough to detect a hint of amusement.

“Oh, sweetheart, you remind me so much of your father when he was younger. He was so adventurous when he was your age. Always wanting to go somewhere new, satisfy his curiosity. A year after we got married, he came running into the house, pulled out two plane tickets from behind his back and told me to pack, ‘our flight leaves in under five hours and we need to be at the airport in three’. He wouldn’t tell me where we were going, said the captain would when the plane door was shut. Only told me to pack for summer. We went to Fiji, and although I was sceptical, we had an amazing time.”

Lily smiled. She can still see how in love her parents are with one another. And while it was a sweet story, she had no idea why her mother had told her about it.

“Lily, your father and I had a talk and while we can’t waltz in here and give you a plane ticket, we can give you the money.”

Lily felt her jaw hit the floor. The Evans family weren’t poor, but they weren’t well off enough to just afford a plane ticket to anywhere in the world.

“Don’t go thinking we’re rich now, demanding we line your bedroom walls with fur,” Her mum joked, trying to lighten the mood. Lily continued to stare at her mother, not really believing what she was hearing.

“Sweetheart, your dad and I had put away some money for you and your sister over the years. Originally it was meant for university, but then Petunia had decided not to go and you received a full scholarship. And it was wonderful, dear, but the money is there now. So, your dad and I thought that, even though we can’t give you Petunia’s half, we can give you your half. It will be for you to do with what you will. And if you want to use it to maybe go on your own trip somewhere, we will be okay with that.”

Lily looked at her mother. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Never in her wildest dreams could she have dreamed up what her mother had just said.

“Mum…” Lily trailed off. What could she say to that?

Lily turned her head back to her laptop screen. It was pitch black, having turned off, but Lily could still see that picture without having the screen on. It was imprinted in mind from all the times she had stared at it. Every time Lily looked at that picture, she imagined escaping there. Getting away from London. Just for a bit. She didn’t want to leave her family behind. She loved her mum, and dad, and even Petunia. They might fight like cats and dogs and their relationship may be strained, and Lily may not always like Petunia, but she still loved her sister.

But maybe taking a break from her family, from her circumstances was what Lily needed. To try and find herself in some other setting. To find her happiness again because if Lily only knew one thing and nothing else it was that at the moment, she was not happy. 

Every morning when Lily woke up, she was tired, she wanted to throw her cover over head and just stay there the entire day. and that scared her because she used to be someone who looked forward to the day, no matter what shitty tasks she had to do. Lily used to have a passion for life and that passion had disappeared. Even when she looked into the mirror lately, all she saw was imperfections. ‘Oh no, there’s another pimple, my stomach is getting bigger, as is my thighs, my skin is too red’. Lily used to say some of these things to herself but they never really bothered her. She was happy with herself but a feature she never criticised was her emerald green eyes. She had her dad’s eyes and it was by far her favourite feature of herself but lately she barely looked herself in the eyes, because when she did all she saw was a sort of lifelessness. They lost their spark and just made her look sad.

And a vacation alone might just be what she needed to get that spark back.

A hand on Lily’s drew her out of her head. “Sweetheart, a parent doesn’t want to see any of their children sad. And you look sadder with each passing day. If a vacation is what it is going to take to get you back to a place where we can see your eyes light up at the smallest thing, then we will do everything in our power to support you.”

Lily stared at her mother for a few seconds before suddenly throwing her arms around her mother’s neck.

“Thank you.” Lily murmured, repeating the phrase a couple more times. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and it took everything in her not to let them fall.

Mrs Evans patted her daughter’s back, holding her for as long as Lily needed it. She had been watching her youngest daughter slip into a dark place for a while now, feeling completely helpless. Thomas Evans had actually been the one to suggest to his wife that they provide Lily with some money to travel with. He reminded his wife how restless, quiet, and retreated he used to get whenever he was cooped up too long in one place, and it was as if the puzzle pieces suddenly fit for Mrs Evans. She did always say that her husband and her youngest was the same.

Lily pulled back to look her mother in the eye, “Are you sure there isn’t anything else you need to do with that money. I know that dad want to paint the house and you said something about a watering system for the garden…”

“Lily sweetheart,” her mother interrupted her before she could say anything else, “that money is yours. Your father and I put it away for you with the purpose of university in mind but now it is just sitting there and it is yours to use as you see fit. The only thing we are going to say no to is if you try to give it back to us.”

Olivia Evans smiled at her daughter, seeing the trepidation in her eyes. Her daughter always had such a big heart, always thinking of those beside herself.

“Sweetheart, for once in your life be selfish. Take that money and go take care of yourself. Go do something you have always wanted to do. Live a bit of a life you always imagined and find out if it’s what you dreamed it would be. Go experiment! And when you are ready to return, if you want to return, we will be right here. We will still love you. Just as long as you are happy.”

Lily smiled at her mother, feeling something akin to excitement in her stomach. Lily didn’t know that she needed to hear someone tell her to be selfish, but it did the trick. Knowing that her parents want her to do something only for herself made her feel at peace with the idea of leaving them for a little while.

“So, I can go anywhere? Wherever I want to? And I can stay as long as I want to?” Lily asked with barely contained excitement.

Mrs Evans laughed, enjoying the excitement her daughter hasn’t shown in months.

“Wherever your heart desires, Lily dear. It’s up to you where you want to go. But there is one condition,” her mother said, “you have to be back here for your sister’s wedding. No excuses.”

Lily nodded vigorously.

“Of course I will be,” she promised, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Mrs Evans stood up and placed a kiss on her daughter’s head. “We’ll talk more in the morning about some of the finer details. Good night sweetheart.”

With a final squeeze of Lily’s shoulders, Mrs Evans made her way back to her bedroom with every intention of cursing her husband for passing on his wanderlust trait to their daughter. Lily on the other hand already had a tab open on the top 50 beaches around the world as well as a word document with the beginning of her resignation letter.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading till the end! You deserve an award you beautiful person. If you liked and enjoyed it, please leave some kudos and comments... tell me what you thought. 
> 
> PS: I am planning further stories (as this is a series) but there is absolutely no schedule for when the next will be out.


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